This week's fake news is made from 100 per cent natural pleather.
Max the Richest Man in Europe
The world's financial systems were thrown into consternation when Monday trading opened, on the news that, due to better than expected hat sales, Max Verstappen is now Europe's richest man. Verstappen's new-found millinery-based wealth saw the Dutch teenager comfortably overtake Zara's Amancio Ortega and briefly challenge Bill Gates for the ultimate top spot. Verstappen is reported to now be giving financial advice to both Warren Buffet and George Soros. Verstappen has rubbished suggestions that he intends to convert his new-found wealth into a golden hoard on top of which he will sleep, safe in the caverns under his mountain fastness, and insists that he intends to spend the money on having a bowling alley installed in his kitchen, painting his bedroom black, and buying vintage arcade games.
He's also been voted World's Most Fashionable Man by the readers of Caravan & Camping magazine.
Swedes in Italy
Following the occupation of Spa by the Dutch, Sweden has decided to support Marcus Ericsson en masse at Monza. 85,000 Swedes are expected to descend upon the Lombardy region in the next few days. Lacking the caravans, unable to agree on whether they should be wearing yellow or blue, and far too well educated to fall for the horned Viking helmet gimmick, the Swedes will announce their allegiance by sitting on POÄNG armchairs and assembling Billy Bookcases between the sessions. They may also consume lingonberry juice and surprisingly inexpensive meatballs.
Alonso will listen to some radio
Fernando Alonso has reported relented on his 'no more radio' directive and announced that he will continue to listen to BBC Radio 2 – but absolutely nothing else. The double F1 World Champion and four-time winner of the All-Asturias' Most Belligerent Man Pageant was angered during the Belgian Grand Prix when his in-car DAB would only pick up Magic FM. Alonso, known to be a particular fan of the "Bryan Adams Rocks!" afternoon show, is reported to have yielded upon learning this weekend's Key to Keys programme hosted by Rick Wakeman sees the former Yes musician joined by Genesis and Mike and the Mechanics keyboard player Tony Banks.
And he definitely isn't going to miss that.
Force India counselling
Rumours are surfacing suggesting Force India have appointed a counsellor to help Esteban Ocon and Sergio Pérez work through their differences in the hope of salvaging their partnership. The troubled couple recently attempted to patch things up during a weekend getaway in the Ardennes but after a falling-out are reported to have accepted professional guidance as the best way forward.
"It's important to be able to air their grievances in a controlled and non-judgemental environment, and come away really believing the other person has heard them," said a man who owns a tubular steel couch. "Esteban, for instance, is upset that Sergio continues to talk about how good his relationship was with a former partner, who he still meets on a regular basis at briefings. This upsets Esteban, who believes Sergio isn't truly committed to his new relationship and is simply looking at it as a stepping-stone to something better. Sergio on the other hand, simple doesn't like Esteban because Esteban is French."